You need to tell me what to write. I have a lot of posts in draft, and nothing is getting published. I start writing too late at night and then what starts off as a great idea ends up terrible and I get too tired to fix it. I need to sort the whole blog out. There are many things I need to do, actually. I keep putting my whole life off.
Maybe I really should just run away and become a travelling saleswoman. It’s a shame that doesn’t have as nice a ring to it as ‘travelling salesman’ does. What would I sell? No idea. I’ll figure that out on the way. I’ll have plenty of time, seeing as I’ll have to travel by train.
It’s 2.25am again. When I had my old blog, all of my posts were started at this kind of time in the morning. The dawn chorus would start up mid-sentence. Back then, I was less fussy. I was more interested in writing something. It didn’t matter much what that something was, just so long as there was a record of a thought I had on a particular time and day. So, kind of like Twitter.
Trouble is, this is the only time I get any peace. I sacrifice sleep for yet more time to waste.
One of the best times for ideas to come to you is that moment when you’re just drifting off to sleep. So, you see, what I do is force myself to hit that point while I’m writing. I write until I’m drowsy. And nothing makes much sense to me, and in the morning I can’t even remember what I’ve written, but sometimes I look back at it and wonder how the hell all the words managed to fall together so beautifully. Other times… I give up before the night is done and add more words to the ‘later’ pile.
And then there are times like tonight, when I get halfway through and realise the drugs aren’t working and I’m going to sleep on my keyboard. I’m only going to publish this because I want to give you something to read in the morning and I’m not sure if you’d be more disappointed about a terrible post or about no post at all.
I want to waste my time with you. My dream self says ‘hi’.
I want to write down every single one of your thoughts and keep them safe with me forever.