The only thing I can think to liken it to is the sensation you have when you’re on a stationary train, and a train on the next platform along starts moving. For a moment, you can’t tell whether or not it’s actually your train moving, but once you’ve figured it out you can force your brain to switch between the two perspectives and trick yourself into thinking you’re on a moving train. And, in my head, we – you and I – are in our own little world on this train together, one that doesn’t have a whole lot of realness about it and is actually just me sitting in my room all alone, while in reality you – just you – are on the train that is already miles away by now. I switch between the two, but I’m continually aware of both.
That’s still not quite right, though… It’s missing something. Or maybe it’s just a very inelegant way of putting it.
It’s so rare to find someone who even vaguely understands. I don’t want to have to hold back or turn it down. You know more secrets about me than literally anyone else on this planet does. I feel a bit silly.
I don’t want to be to you like the others are to me.
I remain, consistently, a hypocrite.