Crocodile tears of unfathomable sadness

542. Remember: I tell lots of lies. I deliberately mislead. Sometimes I change who I’m talking about mid-way through a paragraph, or I make it look like I’m addressing people in general rather than have it be obvious I’m addressing the same person all the way through.
Sometimes I’m too tired to think straight and I change tense mid-way through a sentence. Some fucking writer I am.
It hadn’t occurred to me that any of this would be a problem. I assumed you had your own deceptions. I wanted to aid and abet you.

188. I feel perturbed. It’s the worst feeling for me to work with. What’s more perturbing is the fact that I don’t know why I feel perturbed. None of this makes any sense. How long have I been asleep? Are you a dream? You’ve made me feel homeless inside my own mind. I was already hiding some of the things I feel. Now I can’t seem to write at all.
I don’t understand anything.

14. You speak in contraries and I’m not sure which words I’m supposed to pay more attention to. You mention you quite like what I’m doing but then you only go into detail about all the things that came out wrong and I wonder if you do this deliberately to give me a headache.

930. I can’t say anything, of course; this was unfair from the start. I can’t just go putting defenseless people on pedestals without warning.
I wanted to write a story and create the hero from his image but I lost control of the nympholepsy.
A promoter for the รขme damnรฉe.

46. Put me back into the cage and take me back to quarantine. I wasn’t ready to come out yet anyway. I’m second-guessing my second nature.
Carry on without me and I’ll play myself back in later, when no one is looking.

522. Flaunting myself in front of you with my secrets written all over me like I want to be a piece of art but really I’m black market goods.

679. I want to narcotise and make it all go away again. I’ve wasted so much time with you. I need to sit on my hands for a while. I’m just too exhausted. From now on, it’s not about you.

80. I thought this was intimate, and special on its own merit. See, you’re exactly what I need… in my head.
An exercise in poetic inventiveness and creativity, just to see what happens when I run riot with the word-painting.
Was it a bad idea? I feel disheartened.
I’ve got so much more where that came from.

13 thoughts on “Crocodile tears of unfathomable sadness

    1. Thank you!. Actually, I’ve never gotten around to reading it – I will have to change that. And thank you for following as well.

  1. This was… familiar. It’s how I think – distracting myself with both the meta and the minutiae, glass half full if it was empty before, half empty if it was full before, all the thoughts running together but connected somehow if someone would just understand…

    1. I wouldn’t wish my kind of thinking on others – things have to be so needlessly complicated sometimes! I’d miss the intensity if it wasn’t there though. Have you ever found anyone who understood? Others seem to just read their own narrative into my words and take whatever they need.

      1. I have. If someone takes something from my writing other than what I meant, that’s okay. But in a conversation, I know what you mean – you find yourself overexplaining in hopes of being understood, but then you lose them.

        I love the intensity, but not a lot of people do. Another reason I steer clear of a lot of people, unless I’m prepared and rested.

        1. It’s okay until I’m trying to get someone to understand something I don’t fully understand myself, or something that I can’t express directly because it’s clouded in secrecy. They miss the true meaning and see something else, or pay too much attention to a line that I threw in absentmindedly.

          Then the intensity of what I’ve said makes it hard to pull back. And I love the intensity too. I’m just used to dealing with it alone.

  2. 21 Insomnia it happens. You are kind of like Insomnia, I can never sleep, you are always there. I like insomnia though so it is okay. ^_^

    Who am I kidding. I’m just rambling thoughts now. Great read though, I thought you should know that. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Haha, that’s beautiful – insomnia is going to be my superhero name now!

      And thank you, you’re so kind ๐Ÿ™‚ I enjoyed writing this one!

      1. It seemed like you were having a lot of fun with it. Yeah, you go insomnia! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Yeah, if you couldn’t tell I was lacking sleep when I wrote that but sometimes that is the most fun time to write. You are quite the kind soul yourself. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Have a beautiful morning.

        Cheers! ^_^

        1. I’m always lacking sleep. I’m about to go to bed myself very shortly, where I will no doubt lie awake for an hour or so… I’m the worst superhero ๐Ÿ™

          It is a fun time to write though, absolutely! And thank you – again! x

          1. You aren’t the worst. There are plenty of advantages to insomnia. We write, so not sleeping while it can be bad is also freeing in that it gives you the time to write at odd hours or do more writing than you might be able to do if you had normal sleeping patterns.

            Good luck at the sleeping part though lol. Live up to your name Insomnia! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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