In safe hands

Doesn’t everyone want to be looked after sometimes?
Even the bulletproof need to be cherished.

(I think my dealer is trying to get me hooked again.)

He sat me down
And told me I was ‘vulnerable’
And I thought:
‘Shit, I thought I was hiding it so well.’
But it’s there on the surface
And underneath my skin
And there’s no hiding it from anyone.

I can’t stand up for myself.
I never learned how.
When I get frightened (and I still get frightened)
I feel so alone.

I hold my keys between my fingers
And clench my fist around them
Because it’s the only way
My knuckles stand a chance of doing as much damage as yours.

And I’m alone here,
I’ve been left to defend myself,
And I just want someone to back me up
Or push me aside so I don’t get hurt
But instead I’m left to deal with
The shouting and screaming and threats and abuse.

I hate being called ‘baby’,
In case you’re wondering why I disappeared.
I’m not a pop song and you’re fucking awkward.
Sing me to sleep.
Just don’t serenade me.
Merely sing to yourself in my ear.

I want to be told I’m beautiful
But not by everyone –
I don’t like that kind of attention.
Too many eyes.
I fight it
And they call me ungrateful.

You have magnificent eyes.

Everyone on TV has such delicious-looking food
And I am literally fucking starving.

I wish someone would save me
Or, at the very least,
Tell me that they’ve got my back
And let me worry about them instead.
Just say: ‘It’s okay. I’ve got this.’
And let me play the role
Of the girl being untied from the tracks
Just in time.

We’ll walk off into the sunset
Covered in blood and
Crushing their teeth into the pavement with our footsteps.
I want to be someone you can’t mess with.

(Ten years ago:
‘please be my date to this.’)

Please don’t feel guilty
For anything we’ve done together.
You and I are just a bit strange,
and this is just a daydream caused by fever.

41 thoughts on “In safe hands

  1. I quite enjoy the poem. Poetry shares many things, one of the things it helps me with at least, is pain. Trauma is never any fun. It sounds like you have had your fair share of that in life.

    I suppose most of us do in our own way.

    Take me to a place far away from here
    Let me see things I’ve never seen
    Allow me the chance to forget all my past demons
    The things that keep me from living life…
    Bless me with the gift of freedom
    True freedom
    From fear, pain, anguish
    Let me learn to live life again…

    I just want you to know, I quite enjoy poetry. It allows the escape in the poem I just made above. I hope you are well.

    Cheers! ^_^

  2. I’m still experimenting with it all. Mine tends to be more of a mash-up… And I guess I have been through a bit, which is probably why I don’t write very ‘happy’ poems.

    Not that I’d want to sound like a greetings card anyway…!

    And thank you for sharing your poem! It’s awesome you get so much out of it. I used to write loads of it when I was younger but I’m a bit out of practice. I just like playing with the words – I like seeing what happens πŸ™‚

    1. Mm…well there is nothing wrong with experimenting. I just write what comes to me in the moment. I try not to think overly hard on it. Sharing poetry is fun to do!

      Playing with words and seeing what happens is one of the best things to do. Let it come to you in the moment.

      My soul is laid to bare
      For all to see
      Uncovering all things
      That are hidden behind the mask
      …that is me…
      -Behind The Mask Within-

      See, kind of like that. I just make it up on the spot. I suppose it is more what comes to mind. Like tapping what comes from the souls so to speak. I write a lot of dark poetry but sometimes it is fun to do something brighter or even just mysterious.

      You are a fun soul to talk to.

      Cheers! ^_^

    1. Thank you so much! I haven’t written poetry in so long that I was worried everyone would think it was awful so I’m glad you like it πŸ™‚

    1. Oh my… No one has ever said anything like that to me before and I kinda got a bit emotional when I read it! You say the best things and I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you so much!

        1. No, no one… It’s never even occurred to me before that someone might ever think such a thing. And I don’t know about that… I’ve spent many years thinking that people generally think the worst of me, so I wouldn’t be the best person to judge. I know I’m incredibly fucking flattered right now though!

          1. I have so much trouble believing that… I’m really not used to all the compliments at all! I feel like such a fucking fraud at the minute.

    1. Haha, it’s okay, I don’t think anyone heard πŸ˜‰ Thank you so much – I’m enjoying poetry at the moment!

  3. You are so great at what you do. I can almost taste and touch the essence of every word written and thought conveyed in this piece.

    1. Ha, I like being sung to sleep but I’ve found it so uncomfortable whenever I’ve been ‘serenaded’… I don’t know where to look! Thank you for commenting πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you so much! No, I’ve never considered it at all – I didn’t think I was any good at communicating imagery but you’re the second person who has mentioned it to me recently. Perhaps I should look into it…

        1. I’m trying… I’ve always been too scared to really put myself out there because I always thought I’d be ridiculed or rejected. The fact that everyone has been so kind and supportive has actually really blown me away. It was partly why I recently deleted everything I’d written and had to start a new blog: I didn’t know how to cope with people being nice to me! That probably sounds silly, but it was so different to what I’d anticipated that my mind just couldn’t handle it.

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